A Blog By Ruben Stanley (aka Patrick Bingham)

Greetings my friends! I'm glad you've joined me. My blog reveals the secrets and the lies within the pages of Zombacter: Center City Contagion. This pile of rubbish was put forth by my nemesis, Professor Jake Northrop, under one of his pseudonyms. He's done these things to discredit and destroy me but I will have you know the truth. I will show you the day by day happenings in the Potterfield Bioengineering Facility that led to the tragic Center City Contagion. I will take you on a journey of pain. Pain that I endured during my transformation into what I am today. Pain that will never end and it is ALL JAKE NORTHROP'S FAULT!


Why my stipend should be increased

I will start this blog on a topic near and dear to my heart, money, and me. Although I feel somewhat grateful to Professor Northrop for asking me to teach his summer Biochemistry class, I’m certain that my compensation is not commensurate with my efforts.
For example, Josh “The Juice” McKinsky turned in the following paper for his midterm assignment; I will only include an excerpt because it was obviously plagiarized from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endosymbiotic_theory) and not worth cutting and pasting again:

Endosymbiotic theory
The endosymbiotic (from the Greek: endo- meaning inside and -symbiosis meaning cohabiting) theory was first articulated by the Russian botanist Konstantin Mereschkowski in 1905.[3] Mereschkowski was familiar with work by botanist Andreas Schimper, who had observed in 1883 that the division of chloroplasts in green plants closely resembled that of free-living cyanobacteria, and who had himself tentatively proposed (in a footnote) that green plants had arisen from a symbiotic union of two organisms.[4] Ivan Wallin extended the idea of an endosymbiotic origin to mitochondria in the 1920s.[5] These theories were initially dismissed or ignored. More detailed electron microscopic comparisons between cyanobacteria and chloroplasts (for example studies by Hans Ris[6]), combined with the discovery that plastids and mitochondria contain their own DNA[7] (which by that stage was recognized to be the hereditary material of organisms) led to a resurrection of the idea in the 1960s…

Honestly, why do they even bother, as if I’m not going to do a quick plagiarism check? He didn’t even remove the referenced foot notes that appeared in the original website document! Why do jocks insist on taking my class anyway?
The only paper I was even remotely interested reading was from Jennifer. Let’s be honest, she could write about dung beetles rolling turds and I would find that fascinating! She’s bright AND she’s hot! Did I mention she’s my girlfriend? So my point is, if I’m to put up with the childish crap the professor no longer wants to deal with, then I need to be compensated. I’m requesting an increase in my teaching assistant stipend. I feel the previously mentioned example and the half dozen others I submitted along with my proposal should seal the deal.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I support you, dude, and I can't pronounce half the things you wrote about. But we smart-type people have to stick together in these smart type people moments of sticking togetherness. You know what I mean.