A Blog By Ruben Stanley (aka Patrick Bingham)

Greetings my friends! I'm glad you've joined me. My blog reveals the secrets and the lies within the pages of Zombacter: Center City Contagion. This pile of rubbish was put forth by my nemesis, Professor Jake Northrop, under one of his pseudonyms. He's done these things to discredit and destroy me but I will have you know the truth. I will show you the day by day happenings in the Potterfield Bioengineering Facility that led to the tragic Center City Contagion. I will take you on a journey of pain. Pain that I endured during my transformation into what I am today. Pain that will never end and it is ALL JAKE NORTHROP'S FAULT!


Extraordinary Me

I've discovered something truly remarkable! I'm not dead as I had feared. I am more alive now than I have ever been! You see, I am the end product of evolution. I can not die! I will admit that in a fit of despair I attempted to end my existence, loosing one's manhood tends to have that effect. However, I know now that I am free of the burden, free of the hypocrisy that drives mankind's selfish desires! I AM the dominant life form on this planet and as such I do things for the greater good! I am truly a god!

You pathetic excuses for intelligent life foul the very water and air you breathe.You are no more than cattle defecating on your own food. But I am a benevolent god. I take pity on humanity. You are too simple minded to understand the gift I am bestowing upon you. Let me make this clear to each and every man, woman, and child. There is no choice in this matter. You will evolve and be my subjects, my children, or you will perish.

Ruben - King of Everything

1 comment:

Unknown said...

And do you know what a King of Everything needs: an agent. We'd like to represent you, Ruben (can we just skip formalities and go right for first names?). Think there is a lot of potential behind that rotted mouth (Crest Whitening works wonders, btw)and rolled back eyes. We're not just talking spooky promotions here either? I'm thinking breakfast cereal? Bringing back the oldies-but-goodies: Count Chocula and Frankenberry, and...wait for it...wait for it...Zombie Granola Crunch!
Completely serious.
Very excited.
Great tasting, great for you, and most of the vitamins you need. I mean, probably not what YOU need. You might need a little more, but when I look at your face and then imagine it not so gore-y, I think it's something I wouldn't mind seeing in front of my children as they gobbled up their morning breakfast.

Let's talk. No need to come by our agency. Email is fine.

I'll just leave a first initial. Think we'll know the response is from you without exchanging too many personal details...like physical addresses.